There’s only one thing I ever really regretted giving away. It was my 1989 Intramural Softball Championship T-shirt I won fair and square with my fellow theatre nerds at SMU. Let me tell you we irked a lot of fraternities that year and they let us know. But we still got the shirts and the acclaim. I am no major athlete but I could hit a grounder for a base hit and catch a short field fly-by well enough. And I won that shirt.
Years later I let the shirt go.
Ouch. It still kills me that I did it. But over the 29 years do I really give a flea about it every day? No. Ok, so don’t give away your favorite T-shirt if it means that much to you. But I’m not talking about the favorites. I’m talking about the ridiculousness of how long you’ve been hanging on to stuff “just because.”
For instance I would not recommend you hang on to this:
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| One of the first things to go after Peter and I married. He argued to keep it! |
Here’s the mindset I suggest to help you “get your tirade on”:
1. Tell. The Blasted. Truth.
Be ruthless – no don’t give me that 5 pile BS. (1.Keep, 2.Maybe, 3.Friends, 4.Goodwill, 5.Trash). You get 2 piles. TWO: Welcome & Get-Out-Of-My-House. And for those of you already planning to skirt around pile #2: The Get-Out-Of-My-House Pile has no sub-piles! It’s all just going awwwaaaayyyyyy.
Yes, it’s going to pinch. Some of it’s even going to sting. Goodbyes can hurt even in the subtlest ways. But while you remember the events that attached you to that giant paper mache of a ripening peach from your fifth grade art project, also remember that ultimately things are just things. The memories stay with you. Just like winning that championship. I’ll never forget it. But I’m also not going allow a shirt with writing on it be the anchor to my past. So ask: Does this object - in the big picture scheme of life - really matter? Tell the truth. Then you know what you have to do.
2. No “Guilt” Or “Should” Or “But.”
Don’t keep anything out of guilt – Oh my God! Listen, Friends, I know that we all get gifts that we wish we didn’t have to keep. Sure, there are things that are going to stay collecting dust in the corner of the back bookcase because Aunt Frieda will visit and she will notice while she’s drawing a line as a dust test along your mantel. I get it. Keep it. Deal with it or deal with her. On the other hand, I have had a small pillow for aaagggessss. It’s cute. It’s petite. It’s cross-stiched and it says “You are my shining star.” So sweet, right? Well, every time I look at it I get a sinking feeling. I feel B-A-D. The person who gave it to me is dead. God rest this soul. God bless this soul and I truly mean that. I had kept that pillow out of guilt forever. I had moved it all over with me from home to home and all over each home up and down, in and under. It always carried this “crap energy” with it. Poor little pillow. I looked at that thing recently and I said out loud:
“You.
Have got. To go.”
Get-Out-Of-My-House.
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Will it turn out to be that T-shirt I had
a sting to retrieve? Hell, no. Listen friends, nothing, and I mean nothing,
stays out of GUILT or SHOULD or BUT. Get rid of it. The entire vibe of
the home will shift in your favor. I promise.
I got a free T-shirt yesterday. So nice!
It’s black. It’s too big. It’s really hard cotton and says let your light shine on the back. It also looks like crap on me. I did think these things:
“I SHOULD keep it because it it’s free and a gift and it has a good message.”
“BUT they gave it to me.”
“I feel GUILTY that they gave me something I hate and it would be bad form, unloving, unfriendly and isn’t there some kind of Native American saying about this?”
BLAH-DEE-BLAH-BLAH-BLAH-BLAH….
Get Out Of My House!
Donated it. Someone else who wears Large will shine their light in it. Remember no buts, shoulds or guilt. In any order or size.
3. Be Not Ruled By Thine Ego.
I went to RADA for a summer. So what. I hate that sweatshirt. I only kept it because of my ego.
Don’t keep things because of your ego if, again, it makes you feel bad, makes you feel puffed up to prove something that YOU DON’T NEED TO PROVE and yet you still hate the item... which you probably don’t use or wear. But somehow there's the essence of pressure around it to keep it.
You want your awards on the shelf? Keep them. You won them. Congrats! Does the award endlessly remind you of the day your mother died? Light a match.
Your instincts are telling you “Hey <your beautiful name here> I want to move on. I’m not a polo wearin' Henley pairin' flip floppin' kind of bro no mo'. And I’m keen on being made new. So let’s find a life that fits.” Be strong enough to let go of the life and stuff that is shrinking you. A thing isn't responsible for your self-worth.
4. Do Not Empower Objects To Rule Your Life.
If you’ve read my past blog Why You Need to Share Your Story you know how I feel about psychics. So consider this paragraph disclaimed. However, I used to have every deck of what I’ll call “what-will-happen-to-me-cards” in every possible form whether it was angels, saints, faeries, goddesses or yes the all time know-it-all (and a bunch of BS) tarot cards. One day I said enough. They ultimately only ever served to make me feel more concerned about whether I was reading them right or if/when that "something" is or isn’t going to happen, or if that "someone" will do what these cards say they may or may not…uh…if I am reading them right. Uhhh, am I reading these right?” Enough! I took a deep breath and threw them in a bag and chucked them. (Ok, I took them to Half Price Books. Settlement for pain and suffering.)
You know what happened? My room felt lighter, airier and I breathed more deeply. Why? Because now anything could happen. And I wasn’t going to give a hardened piece of paper with a drawing of a fairy dipping it’s big toe into a crystal pond power over whether I’d make a right or left out my door that day. Do not empower objects, of any kind, to rule your life.
5. Deal With The Thing Under The Thing Instead Of Keeping The Thing.
You don’t have a problem with letting go of the thing. You have a problem with letting go of the issue beneath the physical object that REPRESENTS the thing. So you have to decide when you are going to get real, dig deeper and allow yourself to begin the process of healing. Aye, there’s the rub. But it’s a far better approach that will lead to living a life of freedom. Otherwise you are allowing some you-are-my -shining-star pillow to rule your life.
There might be some grieving.
Good.
Because if getting rid of stuff you don’t need that brought you a false sense of self or a means to not look into the mirror of who you are being; if those THINGS gave you an excuse not to grow and deepen your relationship to yourself or to God then good. Grieve. Bathe in your tears. Empty yourself.
Now you’ve created space for something real to fill you up. Let’s start with how wonderful you are just being miraculous lovable purposeful unique
Y-O-U.
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73% said yes. It'll do. |
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